What My Foster Son Taught Me About Hospitality

When He first came to us, the house was a mess and dinner wasn’t ready. We didn't have much time to roll out the welcome mat, and only Anna and I were here to greet him. But of all the guests I’ve had in my house, this little one has taught me the most about offering our home to others.

He’s taught me that the mess doesn’t matter. He could care less if the toys are put away and the fact that I haven’t deep cleaned the fridge in months doesn’t bother him in the least. He is at home here because we want him here, not because the house is tidy and well kept. Laughing and playing and loving happen despite the disorder around us. And when the focus is on the people in the house, rather than the looks of the house, magical things happen.

He’s taught me that fancy isn’t needed. Seasonal decor and perfectly kept furnishings are not necessary for him to be blessed by his time here. In fact, his crib is borrowed and the toys he enjoys have been well loved on before. The table where he dines has scratches and nicks, but the company he keeps while he eats loves the stew out of him. Plain things don’t hinder the show of affection. We offer what we have, mainly ourselves, and that is enough for him.

He’s taught me that letting go of the ideal is important. Ideally, he would have his own room. Ideally we would have extra space to store the wall to wall baby gear. Ideally we would have had everything in order before he came to us. But if we had allowed what was “ideal” to rule the day when we were deciding about inviting him in, we probably wouldn't have taken him. But we would have missed out on the supreme blessing of loving and being loved by him. 

He’s taught me that showing true hospitality is worth the effort. Having him here definitely requires more work. Everyone in our family has had to pitch in and give of themselves to make this thing happen. There is more to clean, more to cook, more work to do! But in that work a marvelous process is taking place; a little boy is finding his place in a family. And that family is discovering that life isn't solely about taking care of their own. 

He's taught me that when God asks us to share, He gives us everything we need to do it.  When we first learned that he would be joining us we had 36 hours to prepare, and exactly one thing ready for him; a crib. Within 6 hours, God delivered mounds of baby gear and clothes. And in the last 6 months, He's kept up a steady stream of deliveries. Through faithful friends and perfect strangers, God has provided what is needed to care for this little one. He's the best dressed and most fully equipped little darling in the area!

One little fellow has taught my family loads about inviting others into our home. We’ve learned that it’s not so about how the house looks or what's on the menu. Because of him, we now understand that offering ourselves and sharing what we have is the essence of true hospitality.

Hospitality 101: 7 Ways to Stress Less When Inviting People Over

I have always enjoyed having people in my home.

Some dear friends who were often in our home when we lived in New Mexico. Sitting on "the couch" no less!
(Don't kill me, Meg)

From my teeny collage apartment to our first house, my living space is constantly a gathering place for friends. Barbecues, bridal showers, casual get-togethers and large crowd shindigs, we've had it all under our roof at one time or another. These days having 30 people in our home is often a weekly occurrence! 

Along the way I've learned a few things about how to stress less and enjoy the art of showing hospitality more. 

1. Get Organized - At least a week before an event, I make a plan. I write out four lists: names of those coming, the menu, a grocery list based on the menu, and everything I want to do to prepare. Sometimes these lists are no big deal, like when we're only having one other family over for dinner. But if five or six families are coming, I dare you to get between me and my lists!!

2. Start Early - After I make the lists, I determine what can be done in advance. I try to have as little as possible to do the day of the get together.  This means making the dessert, fixing the tea, even chopping salad fixings beforehand. There is always more to do than I anticipated the day of, and having some margin in the day leaves room for the inevitable "life" that happens. 

3. Keep It Simple - It only took a few elaborate menus to realize that trying to get and keep multiple foods hot at the same time was a delicate balance. One that is impossible with toddlers underfoot! I now go for a very simple menu; a main dish, one side or salad, a bread and a dessert. Doing a few foods well beats having most of the meal being either burned or cold.

4. Share The Love - Early on I made a major mistake when having people over. I would insist that I do all the cooking for the meal. I didn't want to burden those I was trying to bless! But over time I have discovered that most people enjoy contributing in some way. Many feel downright awkward arriving empty handed. These days, if others offer to bring something, I let them! 

5. Let Them Help - One of the most wonderful things about having people in my home is inviting them to be part of our family for the time they are here. One of the best ways to do that is by allowing them to help finish meal preparations once they arrive. Ask them to put ice in glasses, fill a tray with bread, or set out plates and silverware. They will be glad for a chance to participate rather than simply observe. 

6. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff - Take a deep breath and say it with me, "Everything I want to get done will not get done." If you stress about things that aren't important, like the fact that you didn't have time to mop or didn't set out all your fall decor, you will only succeed at working yourself into a state. (Please tell me you know what I'm talking about here...or am I the only one?) And when you get bent out of shape, that pleasant and inviting atmosphere you want to offer goes out the window. Why? Because hospitality is much more about the state of the people in the house, than the house. 

7. Don't Forget Your Family - More than once I have been guilty of being so focused on preparing to have people over, that I leave my family on the back burner. Worse, I can be short tempered and have unrealistic expectations of little ones who are still in the process of learning. Offer gracious hospitality to your friends, but don't run your family off in the process. 


There you go dear ones. Now go call a family you haven't seen in a while and invite them over for a meal next weekend! 


*I love hearing from you! What other good advice do you have about offering hospitality?