Hospitality 101: 7 Ways to Stress Less When Inviting People Over

I have always enjoyed having people in my home.

Some dear friends who were often in our home when we lived in New Mexico. Sitting on "the couch" no less!
(Don't kill me, Meg)

From my teeny collage apartment to our first house, my living space is constantly a gathering place for friends. Barbecues, bridal showers, casual get-togethers and large crowd shindigs, we've had it all under our roof at one time or another. These days having 30 people in our home is often a weekly occurrence! 

Along the way I've learned a few things about how to stress less and enjoy the art of showing hospitality more. 

1. Get Organized - At least a week before an event, I make a plan. I write out four lists: names of those coming, the menu, a grocery list based on the menu, and everything I want to do to prepare. Sometimes these lists are no big deal, like when we're only having one other family over for dinner. But if five or six families are coming, I dare you to get between me and my lists!!

2. Start Early - After I make the lists, I determine what can be done in advance. I try to have as little as possible to do the day of the get together.  This means making the dessert, fixing the tea, even chopping salad fixings beforehand. There is always more to do than I anticipated the day of, and having some margin in the day leaves room for the inevitable "life" that happens. 

3. Keep It Simple - It only took a few elaborate menus to realize that trying to get and keep multiple foods hot at the same time was a delicate balance. One that is impossible with toddlers underfoot! I now go for a very simple menu; a main dish, one side or salad, a bread and a dessert. Doing a few foods well beats having most of the meal being either burned or cold.

4. Share The Love - Early on I made a major mistake when having people over. I would insist that I do all the cooking for the meal. I didn't want to burden those I was trying to bless! But over time I have discovered that most people enjoy contributing in some way. Many feel downright awkward arriving empty handed. These days, if others offer to bring something, I let them! 

5. Let Them Help - One of the most wonderful things about having people in my home is inviting them to be part of our family for the time they are here. One of the best ways to do that is by allowing them to help finish meal preparations once they arrive. Ask them to put ice in glasses, fill a tray with bread, or set out plates and silverware. They will be glad for a chance to participate rather than simply observe. 

6. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff - Take a deep breath and say it with me, "Everything I want to get done will not get done." If you stress about things that aren't important, like the fact that you didn't have time to mop or didn't set out all your fall decor, you will only succeed at working yourself into a state. (Please tell me you know what I'm talking about here...or am I the only one?) And when you get bent out of shape, that pleasant and inviting atmosphere you want to offer goes out the window. Why? Because hospitality is much more about the state of the people in the house, than the house. 

7. Don't Forget Your Family - More than once I have been guilty of being so focused on preparing to have people over, that I leave my family on the back burner. Worse, I can be short tempered and have unrealistic expectations of little ones who are still in the process of learning. Offer gracious hospitality to your friends, but don't run your family off in the process. 


There you go dear ones. Now go call a family you haven't seen in a while and invite them over for a meal next weekend! 


*I love hearing from you! What other good advice do you have about offering hospitality?

That Time God Gave Me A Couch To Calm My Nerves

We were all set for a big move. But for once in my life, the thrill of adventure was neck and neck with the fear of facing it.

Nathan had accepted his first senior pastor position and we were two weeks away from loading up and leaving Fort Worth behind. It had taken a straight up act of God to get me to concur that this was of Him. And although I was fully on board, I was also worried about how it was all going to turn out.

Along with the anxiety there was serious sadness. We were saying goodbye to friends who were like family, and a church we adored. But there were also some things to look forward to.

Like a new couch. 

We had been using a hideous blue thing Nate had purchased second hand during his pre-Beth days. It was a two-seater that reclined and He thought it was the bomb.com. I loathed it. But being poor seminary folk, I was just glad to have a place to plant our hineys while we ate jambalaya and watched The King of Queens. 

Me, the babies, and the ugly blue couch. 

But that was about to change as we were abandoning our teeny apartment for a parsonage that sported a spacious living room. My love of hospitality was in overdrive and I had big plans for hosting church families and fellowships. There was a problem, though, since our current furniture would limit us to four butts at a time. If both Nate and I stood. So, I had convinced my frugal Dave Ramsey loving husband to use some of the money we had saved to look for a brand new couch. Preferably one that didn't scream FLAT BROKE SEMINARY BACHELOR. 

The week before the move, I had a dental appointment scheduled. This was a slightly big deal because I sorta don't like going to the dentist (it's likely Titus got his mild aversion of the same from me) and it had potentially been a while years since I had been. I went in nervous as a cat. And left mad as a hornet. 

I had cavities that needed to be filled. Shocker, right? (Dear young people. Go to the dentist.) Since our dental insurance was more of a dental savings plan, this was going to cost us out the wazoo. I saw my couch going out the window.

Driving down I-85 south, I stewed over the whole situation. The cost of the fillings was going to leave about $30 to spend on a couch. I despaired at the idea of having that one tiny ugly blue thing in our new living room. I even considered not telling Nate about the cavities, ignoring the need for fillings, and buying a new couch anyway. Dentures aren't that bad, right?

It was in the midst of that stinkin' thinkin' that God broke in with His own thoughts on the situation.

Why don't you just ask me for a couch? 

Excuse me? I asked in disbelief. Figuring this was my own internal voice and not that of the Almighty, I shook my head as if to sling the thought aside.

But then, AGAIN...Why don't you ask me for a couch? 

Lord, I can't ask you for a couch. There are starving children in Africa. And lost people everywhere. Asking you for a couch seems so petty and materialistic AND SELFISH.

Beth, I want you to ask me for a couch.

Minutes passed as I drove along and chewed on how ridiculous this whole thing seemed. Finally, reluctantly...

Fine, Lord. Will you give me a couch?

Absolute silence. For the rest of the drive.

I arrived home, shoved my way through the boxes, and told Nate the whole ugly tooth decaying truth. I left out the conversation with God. Quite frankly I wasn't convinced He was going to say yes. And did God really prompt people to ask for couches? Or maybe this was just a lesson I needed to learn about accepting "no" from God and being content with what I have. Bottom line...I felt like God had bigger fish to fry, even in my own life, than giving me a piece of furniture. I told no one about that conversation with Him.

That was on Monday. By Thursday the couch issue was on the back burner and it was time to host my girlfriends for our last weekly Bible study. That evening we did our usual thing and then lingered in prolonged conversation, no one wanting to end our final gathering. Eventually the girls began to collect their things and edge toward the door, still finding stuff to talk about on the way out. 

It never ceases to amaze me the way God chooses everyday moments to drop Himself into our lives.

Just before Melissa got to the door, she said

"Beth, I almost forgot to ask... we've decided we need some new living room furniture. Would you be interested in taking our couch with you when you move? And the matching love seat? And that giant ottoman that goes with it? Totally free. Our moving gift to you if you want it. "

Jaw drop. "YES!" I answered over-enthusiastically, like some kind of couch covet-er. (In my defense, Melissa doesn't buy junk. We're talking NICE FURNITURE here.) God had outdone Himself. He not only gave me a couch, but a complete set of living room furniture. 

That was over five years ago and that couch still seats our hineys. I've told the story multiple times because it's such a testimony to some things I have learned to be true:

1) God cares about every little thing in our lives. He tells us to "cast our cares on Him", with no specifics about which cares are viable to bother him with. Like a parent with a child, no part of your life is too insignificant for Him to care about.

2) God owns it all. And if He is of a mind to give you something, it's no skin off His back. Psalms tells us He "owns the cattle on a thousand hills." In Old Testament talk, that means He's really rich. His resources are infinite. Asking Him for something doesn't mean He has less to give someone else. 

3) Where God leads He also goes. That couch was God's way of saying "I'm in this. You don't have to fear this move, because where I send you, I go with you." This is the essence of faith, friends. His presence is more than enough.

And ya'll, when we moved into the parsonage there was exactly one piece of decor already provided in the home. Beautiful drapes hanging in the living room. That matched my new couch perfectly. 

Despite appearances, it wasn't family worship hour when I took this picture!

* I love hearing from you. What crazy thing have you been wanting to ask God for?

Mama Verses the Dentist: Worry and the Sovereignty of God

I had a spiritual breakthrough yesterday. At the dentist's office. Actually it was my son's dentist office. 

Titus sorta doesn't like going to the dentist. Like a we pray for days leading up to the visit that he'll open his mouth this time aversion. We've bribed him with everything under the sun, and I confess in my darker moments I've wanted to beat the tar out of him if he doesn't open his blessed little mouth. 

We made progress this particular day as I didn't have to physically carry him to the back from the waiting room. Instead he was plastered to my leg as I awkwardly hefted the carseat containing the newest chick through the halls. We passed by the open space with a row of petite dental chairs containing the compliant children on our way to the back room. One that has a door. Because this ain't our first rodeo, and we clearly have warning notes on our file. 

I promised that kid a straight up skate board if he would sit in the chair by himself. No chance. So I squeezed into the little person dental seat with a 61 pound 1st grader laid out on top of me as the hygienist attempted to work in between his sobs.  For a routine cleaning, ya'll. They didn't even use the scraper. JUST THE HARMLESS SPINNING TOOTHBRUSH. When it was time to use the suction thingy...utter wig out. And don't get me started on applying the fluoride foam.

Finally, Cutesy Hygienist Girl finishes and I assume we can all breathe a sigh of relief that it's over for another six months. And then she says, "Dr. Greenlief will be in to check you in just a few minutes." 

Cue fresh panic greater than the first. 

She goes out to "let him know we're ready". But bless her darling bones, I think she needed a break from our brand of drama. I have nothing but love for her. She was totally patient and kind and over the top gentle. I feared for her fingers the entire time she was working in Titus' mouth.

Alone with my boy, I attempted to turn down the dial on the terror. I asked why he was afraid of the dentist. The hygienist had already done the hard stuff. All that was left was for the dentist to look in his mouth with a mirror. 

And so we got to the bottom of it. My little fella was terrified that the dentist (who is no small guy) was going to do something to inflict epic pain. And he had no power to stop him. 

I didn't pause to pray about it. There was no scripture quoted. I simply responded with this guttural truth:

Titus, do you think that the dentist is the boss here? I am your Momma, son, and I AM IN CHARGE OF YOU. Which means that dentist can't do one thing to you that I don't allow. If I tell him to only look in your mouth with a mirror, he can only look in your mouth with a mirror. What I say concerning you is what goes. 

I said it with absolute confidence and complete authority. Because it's true. I birthed that boy which means the dentist has to go through me to get to him. Besides, I pay the bill. Okay, Nate pays the bill. 

Meanwhile, as I was dealing with my child's fear, I got a good glimpse of my own. And in the same moment I spoke to my son, God was speaking to me on the matter of some fears I've been wrestling with lately: 

Child, do you think the world around you is in charge here? Your fear exposes your belief. When you worry, when you fret, when you allow terror to run wild in your mind, you are buying into the lie that this world can have it's way with you. I am your Father, and I am in charge of you. Not one thing can happen to you that I don't allow. The powerful forces that you think are in control are under my domain. And they have to go through me to get to you. If I do allow pain, it is for a good that you can't comprehend. I won't let anything happen to you that I don't deem purposeful. I work all things to your good, child. Your times are in my hands.  

The craziest thing happened yesterday. Titus fully believed the truth that the dentist answers to me. Probably because I repeated that little speech when Dr. Greenlief came in the room. I got a bizarre look from the big guy, but that's another post. What matters is this: 

My son saw me as more powerful than the object of his fear. He believed I would intercede if needed. He trusted that I loved him enough to. 

And the kid opened his mouth.

What would change if you and I consistently believed the same?