Fragile

Lord.  I have no idea how to do this.  I don't even know if I can do this. It took me two days to decide on a title and a background and a picture! Now I have to write stuff. Interesting, inspiring stuff. And I'm confused about whether I should single space or double space after a period. Have the rules changed?

It's just a blog, Beth.  Pull it together. You journal every day. 

For myself.  And You.  And nobody else reads it.  Heck, my journal is written in cursive.  In 10 years, most of the population won't even be able to read it. Blogs are PUBLIC. Like speaking.The only writing contest I ever entered, I didn't win.  Am I even any good?

I AM. 

Do You have to be all elusive and shadowed and veiled?  Maybe just come out and tell me if this is going to be fruitful? Cause there is a lot on the line here. Time. Energy. My need to be good at everything I do. Parenting is already taking a major hit to that. Do we really need to add another area where my weakness is spotlighted?  Can I have a sign?  

Following me requires faith.  

Are we talking about blogs still?  Or adoption? Or raising biological children? Or big, secret dreams that I dare not utter aloud? I have faith in YOU.  I'm not sure about faith in me hearing you. Is that stupid?  Am I stupid? Does faith have anything to do with blogging? Will anybody even read it? Should that matter?  Am I just pursuing fame? Does the world need another blog? My stomach hurts.  It's the beginning of an ulcer. I've worked myself into an ulcer.

Just be Beth.

I'll be God.

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